Clutter

According to Einstein, matter in the universe is a constant. Therefore, shouldn't clutter be a constant? It is, after all, a major source of matter.

Matter can of course be commuted into energy according the all great formula E = mc². Extrapolated, this implies that as my clutter builds up, my energy levels decrease.

In fact, the total energy in the universe should decrease but of course being at the center of the universe I am likely to feel it more than others. That or maybe it's a local phenomenon and each person is creating an energy vacuum in the middle of their orbiting junk.

So, I regularly find myself trying to purge my home and office of the mountains of things that have built up. How do I accumulate so much that becomes so useless? Is this the last stage of a consumer digestion process? I consume, consume, consume and then finding myself bloated go for a dump.

Because I moved house last month I've had something of a detox in that department. Old gadgets, VCDs, books, clothes... I've given away, auctioned away and thrown away a fair amount of crap. Yet I remain feeling bloated.

I've always felt weighed down by my possessions. Still I continue to accumulate. I hate the fat but still eat.

I think I'm unusually possessed by the idea that I need to zenify my life and get rid of all the clutter that's hanging on to me like an anchor. The anchor is pulling me down. I can feel it hooked into my chest. It's heavy... tugging, tugging, tugging... Why does this disturb me so?

The anchor analogy has been screaming from my subconscious for years. I always assumed that it was just an eloquent way to express the cumbrous feeling that this clutter has on me. I figured the anchor was the symbol and the clutter was the problem. It just occurred to me I've got it backwards.

If I could cut anchor, I could sail free. The anchor ties me to a regular life, a regular paycheck... The day in day out dreariness of going to work in a job which, although vaguely interesting just doesn't capture my imagination or put me in the flow.

I spend a part of every day thinking about how I can liquidate, rationalize and rid myself of unnecessary things. It's all just a symbol for the reality of wanting to cut anchor. I don't need to move at the speed of light to turn this matter into energy. Any speed will do as long as I'm actually moving.

Why can't I cut loose?

Labels: personal