No Roots

It's raining again

I thought we'd have to wait until October for the rain to wash away the smoke. But we've had unseasonably wet weather the last few days - a mini monsoon so to speak. 

The monsoon just means the rainy season. It's very different from a typhoon which can blow away buildings and cause floods. It's the beginning of the typhoon season in Hong Kong. But here in Singapore the monsoon, which starts around October and runs to Jan, just means a bit more rain than usual… and some brilliant lightening storms.

For the last three nights I've been awoken by massive cracks of thunder. My flat looks out over the Kallang basin and it acts like a huge dish amplifying the sound. In the morning all is calm, but the water in the basin has been brown and muddied by the run off from the rain. 

I love to watch nature's fury but she's been rather inconsiderate lately by scheduling her shows at 4am. Although I really have nothing else scheduled at that time, I'm not generally in the mood for entertainment before noon.


Lately I'm stuck in this "going nowhere" funk. I've been reading this blog and it's done my head in a bit.

I've been reading it from the beginning over the past week– so I've been following her life on fast forward. It's like reality TV. She (Anne - another Anne) starts off living in LA. She's staying with friends because her once amazing life kind of fell apart and finances aren't going great. She has a job at a very cool Barnes & Noble bookstore where everyone is rather switched on and loads of interesting people (from the famous to just plain weird) are coming in all the time. The pay sucks but it's fun. It's my secret dream job.

But time runs out at her temporary accommodation so she moves off to Baltimore and in with her mom and step dad... and ends up back at a B&N. Where the first B&N was in technicolor, this one is in dark shades of sepia and has all the charm of an Eraserhead movie. People are dull, fat, boring, ugly and stupid. They are uninspired and negative. They are barely alive. They are frightening because they are the walking dead. They've already given up on living and they don't even know it.

This goes on for ages and just at the point I figured I couldn't take it anymore ("just get out dammit!") she gets her shit together. First she gets her own place and then lands the kind of job she's better suited to: doing research for HBO. I'm glad I found her blog after she made that move because I couldn't stand hearing her tales of the suburban nightmare over a prolonged period of time. It just hits too close to home.

People here are not fat and ugly… They're skinny and covered in name brands both fake and real. They are image conscious. But they are certainly not inspired nor switched on. There are exceptions - but for the most part they are boring, self-centered and uncreative. I really don't know what they think makes a life. 

What am I doing here? I'm living on Hello Kitty island. I'm making a pile of cash and hording it like dung beetle in the belief I'm going to make a break for it one of these days. But when? How much is enough? What security blanket do I need to just go for it? People with bank accounts like me don't usually fantasize about working in a Barnes & Noble in LA (or do they?). When am I going to get MY shit together?

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