When I left Canada 15 years ago, I had a Canadian flag on my backpack. Now, when someone asks me if I'm American, I don't even blink. For a while, I'd even say yes just to keep the conversation short. The minute you say, "No I'm Canadian" you are struck with a barrage of apologies; the apologies being for the assumption of Yankee as opposed to the fact of Canuck.
Having lived abroad almost half my life, I've grown to believe that no wiser words were stated than when Oscar Wilde said, "Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious."
When the anti-French spam started hitting my e-mail two weeks ago, I was shocked at how quickly the Americans could turn on their allies. Were political maps being redrawn?
"The only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman in Canada." - Ted Nugent
Being from Montreal, that was the only amusing quote I could find in the lot. Even the Simpsons had turned on the French.
It was an omen. Now, apparently, the Americans are turning their ire onto their northern neighbours and asking, "What kind of friends are they?"
Canada's refusal to not join the war is being viewed as a gross lack of support. Well my mom always said, "If your friend was going to jump off a bridge, would you do that too?"
Canada's little show of independence does have some benefits for Americans. It turns out that travelling Americans are now posing as Canadians. This is rather easy to do given that few people know the difference between an American and a Canadian. We're the pale Puerto Ricans of North America. Kinda American... Kinda not... sort of.
I'm still waiting for an American friend of mine to give me my "Kiss Me I'm Canadian" T-shirt back. It seems, however, she is holding it ransom in order to extract my "Canadians have nice Beavers" shirt.
How to spot a REAL Canadian.
Ask the following questions...
- Are you American?
Any Canadian under 30 will start to curse you immediately.
What is a Toque (pronounced Toooook)?
This is a kind of woolly hat that makes you look like a dork.
- Do you recognise this symbol?
An American will tell you it's a Beaver. Any Canadian worth their salt will say its a ROOTS Beaver. Look for Roots clothing. Older Canadians (30+) should be able to tell you that Roots started out as a humble shoe shop.
- Name three famous Canadians that aren't politicians or Celine Dion.
Bryan Adams is always the first answer... usually followed by Michael J Fox and someone from Saturday Night Live. If you are told Pat Sajak from Wheel of Fortune, you have a true Canadian. An American may break down when confronted by this fact. If you are uncertain, tell them to repeat "All great Americans are actually Canadian" five times. Any Yank will choke by the third repetition.
- Canada is very cold, isn't it?
A real Canadian will say, "No it gets VERY warm in the summer time! Up to 40 degrees Celsius!" The only exception to that rule is Canadians who have lived in the tropics for any length of time who will usually say, "Yes it's barbaric. I'll be damned if I'm going back."
Be suspicious of anyone who tells you they own a dog sled or live in an igloo.
Just for the record, I'm back to correcting people when they assume I'm American.
| A truly Canadian Apology to the USA... Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television: On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. |
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Labels: twicenamed
My secretary isn't in today. Sick. She looked fine yesterday. Today she SMS'd that she has fever, sore throat, cough... the usual. Except the usual around here is cause for panic.
Yesterday they announced all the schools would be closed for a week. Supposedly that's more to stop parents from freaking out than to stop SARS.
I was at the backstage of the Esplanade when the announcement came in. There were about 100 of us from the chorus crammed into a small room. We were warming up for the Mahler rehearsal. I will sing at the Esplanade for the first time this Friday. It's very exciting.
But mixed in with the backstage buzz was a tinge of fear. The room was hot. We were all crammed together. I felt like I was in a petri dish.
For background effect we had the war playing out on Channel News Asia. Glenda was anchor... she's getting too skinny. We need a bit of robustness in our anchors these days to cheer us up.
Singing with the Singapore Symphony Chorus (SSC) is quite thrilling to me. Backstage I keep bumping into members of the SSO who are so familiar I feel I should greet them like old friends. But of course I've only seen them on stage.
Lan Shui, the conductor, was still rehearsing with the orchestra when we'd finished our warm-up. Everyone was told to amuse themselves until 8:30 and then congregate at the stage door. Everyone took off and half the people misunderstood what Lim Yau, the choral master, said and ended up being MIA for about 20 minutes.
I walked around the backstage maze of the Esplanade for a while. At one point I ended up in the middle of the Oliver kids who were in full costume. Dodger, who was not in costume, offered to give me directions on how to get out. Fagin walked by looking very much like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror.
While others were watching TV or roaming the shopping mall, I made my way to the back of the concert hall. There is a side room by the concert floor which has a TV showing the transmission from the conductor cam. A little cam and microphone picks up everything the conductor says and does. It's not a flattering angle. It made Lan Shui look fairly ragged. Usually he comes across as clean cut Mr. Nice Guy (Mini Nice Guy that is as he's only about 5'2"). See the image opposite and now add a 5 o'clock shadow and a few bags under the eyes and you've got the picture.
When I tired of the conductor cam, I watched the practice through a little window. Eventually that didn't suffice and I snuck on stage. I kept my head down because I wasn't sure if Lim Yau would appreciate his singers creeping around while the orchestra was trying to practice. I like him a lot but don't really want to be around when he's grumpy. He's very witty and can be quite funny... but there is absolutely NO FOOLING AROUND when it comes time to work. I think he's brilliant and full of vision. This place is lucky to have him.
Finally the chorus was invited in to the practice. This is when we realised half the chorus was missing. A quick search located them in the concert lobby.
When everyone was finally squeezed in, I found myself smack in the middle of the lot sitting behind the percussion section. Lim Yau said it was OK to block your ears when they started to bang away as long as you weren't too dramatic about it.
Lan Shui introduced the soloists. There was one Soprano and one Alto. Apparently the originally scheduled alto had to go to the hospital for some emergency and they had to find a replacement. I don't know if I heard him right but I think he said he bumped into the replacement on a train. I don't think Lan Shui should be riding around the MRT looking for soloists. With SARS floating about that's one of the first places you'd catch it.
We're singing Mahler's 2nd, the Resurrection. Only the finale - the 5th movement - has choral singing. So we (we being the three choruses coming together for this performance: the SSC, the Singapore Philharmonic Choir and the Bible College) spend about 75 minutes backstage and then have about 10 minutes during the second intermission to take our places. There's 160 of us so it's a scramble. I can't believe they were actually considering making the women all wear skirts. There is no way anyone is going to shimmy up onto the risers in a full length gown without looking like a complete twit.
Our first run through was appalling. The chorus was about a second ahead of the orchestra. Lan Shui didn't seemed phased in the least. We ran through a few more times and focused on the weak areas... but it still didn't seem like the chorus was pushed to perform its best. The woman from the train was struggling a bit as well.
Still, the music the orchestra produced was heavenly and the soprano was breath taking.
We have one more practice to pull it all together.
Today I'm still buzzing... but I have a sore throat. This is fairly usual for me after singing a lot. My voice teacher says it's because I've been thrown in the deep end. I didn't have any experience before getting through my SSC audition and now I'm pushing my voice almost daily.
Still, I feel rather under the weather today and given the fact that everyone is losing their head, it's a bit upsetting. I'm not worried about getting SARS. If I do, I do. I just don't want to get it until Sunday... after the performances are over.
If I have to go into quarantine because my secretary has SARS, I'll never talk to her again.
I've been for a coffee now but don't feel much better. There were some Stones roadies at the Stabucks looking rather well dressed for roadies. They had a certain "roadie-ness" about them but were wearing golf shirts which read "Rolling Stones Asia Tour Support Crew". Since when did roadies trade in their black T-shirts for Navy blue golf shirts?
I just read that they've cancelled their trip to Hong Kong. If Mick is going to chicken out what hope is there?
Is Saddam a bad guy? Most certainly. The worst? By all accounts, Kim Jong-il, who has been flaunting his nuclear arms development programme, is a much worse character. So will the US take him out next as the South Koreans fear? Of course not. Although the Chinese have been rather successful at pretending they live on another planet, the US stepping into their back yard would be going too far. The US will stay out.
How long does it take Arab leaders to figure out the implications of that? China is too strong for the US to waltz in and dictate their agenda. But not so in the middle east. The combined might of the Arab world does not threaten Bush in the least.
How long will it be before the Arabs realise they need to tool up lest the Bushes of the world walk all over them? They are losing face big time. Does this campaign not encourage, as opposed to discourage, countries to gain the might to ensure sovereignty? The outcome is so obvious that one has to wonder whether Bush is setting the ground for the final conflict on purpose.
Labels: twicenamed
