K-mart Air

I was flying biz class from Toronto to Vancouver on Air Canada this evening. I was reading Eats, Shoots and Leaves and was right in the middle of the chapter on the misuse of the apostrophe (usually in cahoots with the letter S) when dinner was served along with a little irony.

After the meal came an announcement that for $2 you could buy desert. That seemed chincy but I'll expect anything on a North American airline, even in Business Class. Fortunately, it turned out that was just for economy.

For the people in the big-ass seats, the steward came around with a cart offering ice-cream and cookies. I said I didn't want ice-cream but was game on for cookies. He offered the choice of oatmeal or chocolate chip.

How about one of each?

No. Only one cookie per passenger.

So really the offer was for Ice Cream and Cookie singular. There were no CookieS to be had. There should have been no S at the end of that offer. If I'd asked him to spell it, dessert probably would have been a choice of Ice Cream and Cookie's. I suppose I could have asked him "Cookie's what?" to amuse myself but I hate people who say crap like that.

I next found myself arguing that foregoing ice-cream was a fair exchange for an additional cookie instead of pointing out their false advertising that CookieS were coming our way. I didn't even have the dinner dammit! All I wanted were the bloody cookies. I mean what kind of bucket shop is Air Canada running if business class passengers have to barter for their snacks?

I should have been on notice that this was a no frills J-class when the stewardess came around at the beginning of the flight - not with hot steaming face cloths as on Singapore Airlines - but with a small packaged moist towlette.

Fortunately, the passenger next to me was full and offered her share of the ship's biscuit booty to me which brought the embarassing scene to a close. I think she was feeling charitable because from what I gathered from her work on her laptop, she'd just broken up with her boyfriend and was generally miserable.

I find it interesting that the most expensive airlines, like Virgin and SIA, have avoided the financial difficulties of their cheaper competitors. It seems that people are willing to pay for service if you're able to provide it. Otherwise you're just another flying K-mart.

Labels: travel